The next stop was the creators of cults and falsifiers of Christianity. There were rows of people who were locked in tombs filled with fire and brimstone. A few contained people who had only read four pages of the Bible but pretended to be well-informed, the Kool-Aid cult that believed aliens were going to save them with suicide, and lots of Scientologists. I found the minister who used to rant at the Church down the street from me about the evils of homosexuality and popped open the lid. I asked him how he felt about burning in Hell. "It's all a conspiracy by blacks, homosexuals, and liberals. They tricked me into being in Hell. It clearly states that God hates queers in the Bible, and by God I'm sticking to that. I have no idea why I've been sent here, but I'm doing my best to continue saving our youth from fags and sinners right here in this box." Faulkner spat on him and we knocked the lid back onto the box so that it smashed him on the head. Tom Cruise, Tammy Faye Baker, and my old gym coach were also there. L. Ron Hubbard, whose box was full of flaming money that he had made from brainwashing all of his servants, at least did not seem particularly shocked that he was in Hell. "What the fuck is everyone's deal anyways? Why doesn't anyone understand why they are burning in Hell?" I asked Faulkner. He turned and said, "That's the whole point, Kirk. None of these people think they've done anything wrong. They chose to be burning in Hell."
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